The Original Word: Street Fighter
by noctorro
Summary: Mitsukake Kagatoshi, Julian Marquez, Kenneth Feng ... Know any of these names? Well you shouldn't. Enter the original characters of FF.net's Street Fighter section! Read on to find out more about these original creations.
1. Introduction: The Reporter

                It was a dark and stormy night. Dark clouds loomed overhead, raining heavily on everything below in rapid succession. Lightning occasionally flashed, illuminating the wet darkness around the reporter if only for a split second, followed by the deafening boom of thunder. Even under his raincoat, the reporter could feel moisture, if not from the heavy rain, from the condensing moisture produced by his body. He was nervous.

                The reporter, under his right arm, tightly gripped a folder with stacks of paper inside. He held it close to his body, hoping to protect his precious documents from the merciless rain. His heavy rain boots thumped along the sidewalk, colliding with the ground more so from their weight than his steps, splashing water whenever they landed. He swallowed the dry lump in his throat, a sure sign of nervousness.

                "What the hell kind of assignment is this?!" he asked himself. "It's not like I asked to go around interviewing people. I'm supposed to be finding new, exciting stories! Not about the lives of your average Joe. And they have me trotting through this downpour in a fucking welfare raincoat. I don't get shit for pay for what I put up with, that's for sure."

                Houses lined the empty neighbourhood streets. They were traditionally built Japanese houses with aspects of western architecture to their style. It was a quaint neighbourhood, each house walled off from the other with their own cherry trees in the yard. The reporter glanced at his hand to see the number 223 scribbled in black ink. The ink was beginning to flow off his hand and stain his skin from all the rain, but it was still comprehensible. Then he stopped. Before him loomed a house, looking just like any other on the street. But the numbers carved so elegantly into the right pillar of the gate, with the kanji "Kagatoshi" engraved so elegantly in marble stone just above the address confirmed his surroundings. This was the house.  


	2. Prologue: Mitsukake Kagatoshi

The reporter politely knocked on the door, three times. He took a step back, swallowed the dry lump in his throat for the second time that night, and waited patiently.  

"Coming!" came a sweet, feminine voice from within. The door opened to reveal a short statured Japanese young woman with short dark brown hair, dressed in a sailor style highschool uniform with a headband tied tightly around her head. The reporters eyes widened in recognition …

                "Sakura Kasugano! I didn't expect to find you here!"

                "Well of course I'm here!" she replied cheerfully. "You weren't looking for me?"

                "Actually, I'm looking for somebody that goes by the name of Mitsu…cake?" the reporter tripped over his own tongue, regretting his efforts to pronounce Japanese properly. "Katogushu?"

                "Ah, you mean Mitsu," she replied. "His real name is …"

                Before she had a chance to answer, a loud, booming voice radiated from the depth of the house. "I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Reporter!"

                "Excellent."

                The subject of the interview swaggered into the living room, MUCH taller than the reporter had expected. "Gee, Mr. Yamaguchi, you're a lot taller than your photo makes you look."

                "Er, that's Kagatoshi. But you can call me Mitsu – that's short for Mitsukake. Please, have a seat." He extended a friendly hand towards the futon. 

                "Thank you," the reporter said humbly. "I don't want to waste any time with this interview. I've got a long list here, so let's get things started, shall we?"

                "Fire away," Mitsukake said. 

                "I'll go get some tea," Sakura offered, leaving the two men to their privacy.

                "First question, what the hell is a NON-original character doing here?"

                "Oh," Mitsukake laughed nervously, "she's just visiting."

                "I get it, 'visiting,'" the reporter physically indicated the quotations with his fingers. "Does she feel 'comfortable' here as well?" The subject began blushing. "Ok, my apologies. I'm not here to harass you. But you'd do the same thing when you get peanuts for a pretty big job."

                "What company do you work for again, Mr. Reporter?"

                "Um, I believe _I _was asking the questions. Now if you please …"

                "Oh, sorry."

                "AHEM!" The reporter cracked his knuckles in a single motion, curling his fingers into a fist and began the interview. "So tell me, where are you from?"

                "I was born and raised right here in Japan."

                "And what about your family?"

                "They're born and raised here too."

                "So what you're trying to say, is that you're ethnically … Japanese?"

                "Well, sorta … yeah."

                "If you would be so kind to tell me, how is it that a Japanese man, born and raised on this anime infested archipalego, is over six feet tall and has light brown hair and light brown eyes? You do know that lying makes you look real bad in the public's eye, right?"

                "I'm not lying! I'm really ethnically Japanese!"

                "Well … I suppose if you guys can have blue, purple and blonde hair and still pass off as Japanese, brown hair ain't half bad."

                "And how did you come to meet the lovely Sakura Kasugano?"

                "Well, I transferred over to Sakura's high school when we were in grade eight. And you know, just between you and me, she was the hottest tart in the entire student population!"

                "And violent to boot."

                "Well she's got her tough side, but I think that's important for any girl to have. Life is what we make of it but unfortunately, people choose to make life difficult for themselves and others. So since Sakura decided to learn martial arts to defend herself, I didn't mind when I found out."

                "I think she learned martial arts for the sake of picking fights on the street."

                "Well, that' too. But hey, isn't this interview about me?"

                "That's right! Sorry … please continue."

                "Well one day, she was decided to pick on the wrong crowd … or something like that. I'm not too clear on the details. But they were beginning to overpower her, so I decided to do a little something about it."

                The reporter began to snort and giggle. 

                "What so funny?" Mitsukake asked, beginning to sound a little hurt.

                "I'm sorry, I really am. Did you *snicker* beat all these people up and save Sakura by yourself?"

                "Well, I stuck up for her. Maybe beat up would be the wrong term …"

                "Good! Because if you actually took them on, you would've gotten pounded, man! I'm not joking here!"

                "What?! Just what exactly are you getting at?"

                "You're not exactly a big guy, Mits, I'll tell you that much. Tall, yes. But big … how heavy are you again?"

                "142 pounds."

                "Well the average weight of a man your height would be over 200. I think you gotta start working out."

                Mitsukake smirked. "I don't think I'll be needing to do that."

                The reporter stared blankly. "Are you in any way connected to the street fighter tournaments?"

                "Well I've sparred with a few of the fighters before. Akuma was by far the deadliest though …"

                "A pinner like you fought Akuma and made it out alive?! What the hell is the world coming to? And why don't you think you need to get bigger?"

                WHAM! Mitsukake slammed his fist into the reporter's jaw, sending him flying backwards, toppling over the sofa on his way, and into the wall of the living room. "You tell me why I need to get bigger."

                Shaking off the bits of plaster that had fallen over his body, the reporter got up. "I see your point. So … tell me more about your fight with Akuma."

                "Well, there was an attack at school one day. He came in and threatened the students, demanding that Sakura fight him. He wanted her dead that bad."

                The reporter scoffed. "Great, so now that jerk's gone off picking on little girls."

                "He got her pretty good though. But I managed to get her to the hospital on time before he could do anymore damage."

                "And she fell in love with you because of that?"

                "We're friends," Mitsukake insisted, "nothing more."

                "Oh right, 'friends'," the reporter winked. The subject rolled his eyes. "So you're involved with the street fighter circuit, but not an official member of the tournaments. You're obviously a fighter in your own respect." The reporter motioned to the darkening bruise on his jaw. "Where did you learn to fight? What discipline of martial art do you use?"

                "You're gonna have to ask CMK TacTitian for that."

                "Hm? Who?"

                "Yeah, I don't know either. But I think you might be interviewing one of his subjects in the near future." 

The reporter shrugged. "Who knows? You're the last guy I'm interviewing, and frankly, I don't remember how many other people I've done. So back to you. How do you maintain your lovely home?"

"Well … I have a part time job at the deli, cutting meat and stuff. The pay is shit too so I kinda know how you feel. But its my parents who make the payments on the house usually. I just kinda stay here and help pay when I can. The cost of living here can be quite expensive."

"Don't I know it! I just blew six bucks on a one-way ticket to get a train over here. I would've done better walking! Oh, and speaking of your family, where are they right now?"

"Well all I have is a mother, really."

"And what would her name be?"

"Hikari Kagatoshi."

"That's a beautiful name. Hikari, like the Utada Hikaru song, Hikari."

"You know, there's more to this country than J-pop and anime …"

"*singing* _Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel inside!!_"

"Please stop," Mitsukake insisted. "You're no Utada."

"Okay, I believe I've already let the world know the kind of talent I possess. Now tell, when did you first arrive on the scene of the street fighter franchise?"

"My first adventure was called the Reconciliation."

"Oh yes! Directed by Chan Yoruyamatiha, right?"

"Yeah, I love that girl. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her."

"She saved your life?"

"Not exactly …"

"She decided not to have you executed? You know, she is a pretty dramatic one, that Chan."

"Well no … she kinda … created me."

                " … Riiiiiiiiiiiiight …"

                "Hey, don't look at me like I'm some sort of a freak! It's true!"

                "I believe it's time to end this interview. Now before we leave you, is there anything you would like to say to us, Mr. Kawasaki?"

                "That's Kaga …"

                "ANYTHING at all? What does the future hold for you?"

                "Well I'm currently in a story involving a mega crossover with various other street fighter characters as well. It's called Colliding Worlds by CMK TacTitian."

                "Hm? Who?"

                "I'm also in a story called New Archives 3 by DeNice!"

                "What the hell are you talking about …"

                "Be sure to read them!"

                "That's enough time we have today, I'm afraid. Thank you for your time, Mr. Kitamura …"

                "Er …"

                "And I will be seeing you all at the premiere of my new show – The Original Word: Street Fighter!"


	3. Chapter 1: Darrel Markis Goodson

The camera displays a crowded studio with the audience cheering and whooping. They sit around a set, decorated comfortably with luxurious seats behind an elongated coffee table. In the right seat sits the reporter, thick glasses resting on the tip of his nose. He sits with one leg folded over the other, holding a few notes in one hand. 

**Reporter:** Hello and welcome, everybody to my brand new show – The Original Word: STREET FIGHTER!! _*audience cheering and applause can be heard*_ For our very first episode, and our very first interview, I am proud to present my humble studio! Unfortunately not all of our interviews will take place here. I'm actually more of the kind to get out there and see our subjects in their everyday lives, but I think this is an occasion special enough to host right here. 

Without further ado, please welcome my very first guest, Mr. Darrel Markis Goodson!!

*more cheering and applause* An African American male walks shyly out from behind the left stage flap, onto the stage. The Reporter gets up and shakes his guests hand, motioning for him to take a seat on one of the chairs. 

**Reporter:** Thank you for being with us today.

**Darrel:** Thank you for having me.

**Reporter:** _*pointing at shirt* _That's a nice shirt.

**Darrel:** Thanks! It's part of one of my very first outfits when I first started getting involved with the street fighter circuit!

**Reporter:** So what does the tiger symbolize?

**Darrel:** Well actually, I think serves more of a cosmetic purpose than actual …

**Reporter:** _*interrupting*_ And what are those cool looking, squiggly lines supposed to be?

**Darrel:** They're not squiggly lines, they're kanji. 

**Reporter:** *_looking blankly*_ Riiiiiiiiight …

**Darrel:** You DO know what kanji is, right? Well, they're characters that the Japanese …

**Reporter:** _*interrupting again*_ Are you assuming that I don't know what you are talking about? How dare you patronize me! This is my show!

**Darrel:** _*holding his hands up defensively* _Whoa, sorry! I didn't mean it that way. I was just wondering if you knew what kanji was!

**Reporter:** _*silence*_ … No …

**Darrel:** As I was saying, they are characters used by the Japanese. These characters have meaning to them, unlike the traditional Japanese alphabet. 

**Reporter:** So if the Japanese alphabet doesn't have any meaning, why have one at all? Why not just make everything kanji?

**Darrel:** Because that is a characteristic of the Chinese.

**Reporter:** And that's … er … bad?

**Darrel:** No. But the Japanese have been trying to distinguish themselves from the Chinese since the late 8th century. 

**Reporter:** So they make up alphabet that has no purpose other than to distinguish themselves from the Chinese that they stole the kanji off of?

**Darrel:** No, the kanji is _borrowed_ from the Chinese.

**Reporter:** Okay stop, you're making my head hurt. So tell me, and our wonderful audience about yourself. What does such a unique original character like yourself do everyday?

**Darrel:** Well I really like to eat pizza.

**Reporter:** _*lifting an eyebrow*_ Pizza?

**Darrel:** Yeah. It's the single piece of food that has all the basic food groups. You have wheat in the crust, dairy in the cheese, vegetables in the tomato and onion, meat in the pepperoni …

**Reporter:** Yeah, and FAT in everything! I'm starting to get a little worried about you, buddy. You risk your life in the street fighter tournament. If M. Bison doesn't get you, a heart attack will. And video games!! Those will just kill you …

**Darrel:** Hold on a second! How did you know I like video games?

**Reporter:** _*holding up the sheets of paper in his hand*_ I tend to find out stuff about my subjects BEFORE I interview them on the show. And don't you remember that meeting at your house awhile ago? Yeah, that was my method of research. 

**Darrel:** Uh huh … okay, I guess.

**Reporter:** So I hear you're quite the fighter, huh?

**Darrel:** Well, I try to avoid it when I can. 

**Reporter:** So what's the point of learning how to fight if you don't use the skill you obtain? Sounds like a waste of time if you ask me. 

**Darrel:** I used to get picked on a lot at school. That was what made me pick up Shotokan karate at first. 

**Reporter:** Oh, Shotokan karate! I've heard of that before. Isn't that the style of fighting that the two Street Fighter champions, Ryu and Ken use?

**Darrel:** They're actually Ansatsuken fighters. Shotokan is just a mistranslation of Capcom (Thank you CMK Tacticon).

**Reporter:** Who?

**Darrel:** I dunno either. They're some company that controls the grand scheme of things somehow, from somewhere.

**Reporter:** So can you show me a few of your moves? 

**Darrel:** I'm not sure if this would be the most appropriate situation …

**Reporter:** Come on, buddy. I can take you. I'd worry more about myself if I were you.

**Darrel:** But you've got that big bruise on your chin …

**Reporter:** _*waving the comment off casually* _It's just a scratch. The last guy I talked to was over six feet tall but light as a feather. He was a pinner, I tell you. Now, show me what you got. *_Puts up his fists*_

_Darrel draws his fist back as a large flame forms around it. Before the Reporter can realize what he's doing, Darrel throws his fist forward, catching the Reporter on the right cheek, sending him flying backwards into the wall of the studio. Bits of wood and plaster fall all over him. _

**Darrel:** Sorry, I just don't like being taunted or picked on.

**Reporter:** _*getting up, coughing as he goes*_ I'm gonna have to learn to keep my big mouth shut if I'm going to make it through this assignment alive. That was a pretty good move.

**Darrel:** Thank you. It's called the Shakunetsuken.

**Reporter:** Yeah whatever … So how did you learn to control fire like that?

**Darrel:** Oh, it was just something small I picked up while I was growing up. 

**Reporter:** That's it?

**Darrel:** Well I can't give you all the details. That would ruin the surprise for you! If you want know everything there is to know about me, I'll have to direct you to my story, posted on www.fanfiction.net

It's called "Street Fighter: New Archives".

**Reporter:** And who were you lucky enough to meet to get such an opportunity in the street fighter circuit?

**Darrel:** _*smiling proudly* _Sakura Kasugano.

**Reporter:** And what is her relation to you?

**Darrel:** She's my wife.

**Reporter:** What … you've gotta be joking. 

**Darrel:** No really! She is!

**Reporter:** Oh no … you've got some trouble on your hands …

**Darrel:** Now you're confusing me.

**Reporter:** See, when I went over to the last guys house to get information on him, your "wife" was over there.

**Darrel:** WHAT?!

**Reporter:** And you know what? She didn't tell me anything about her relationship with you!

**Darrel:** Well of course she wouldn't. It wasn't Sakura you were interviewing, was it?

**Reporter:** _*getting defensive*_ Still! She would've told me if she didn't have anything to hide!

**Darrel:** But it's none of your …

**Reporter:** Are you patronizing me?!

**Darrel:** … No …

**Reporter:** Good. So my notes tell me that you are American. 

**Darrel:** Yes I am, sir. And I'm proud of it. 

**Reporter:** So you ARE an American! You HAVE to tell me … do you know my friends Suzie, Mark and Frank?

**Darrel:** Uh … no. Why would I?

**Reporter:** Because they're AMERICAN just like you! 

**Darrel:** But America's a big place …

**Reporter:** EXACTLY!! Now you know how us Canadians feel when you ask us these kinds of stupid questions … about if I know so-and-so from Toronto.

**Darrel:** Are you Canadian?

**Reporter:** I never said I was Canadian. 

**Darrel:** But you referred to yourself as "us Canadians" which could only mean …

**Reporter:** Are you patronizing …

**Darrel:** Damn it NO! Get over yourself!

**Reporter:** Okay, next question! You obviously can't be fighting day in and night. What do you do for a living –and by that I mean the OTHER way of living, as in the legal way. 

**Darrel:** Well I have a part time job with a computer company.

**Reporter:** Oh god, you're not helping Mr. Gates take over the world are you?

**Darrel:** Of course not. I don't believe in Microsoft. 

**Reporter:** Good, I hate computer.

**Darrel:** But isn't **noctorro** using a computer to write this interview? 

**Reporter:** Hm? Who?

**Darrel:** He's your boss! He's the one that gave you the assignment to interview all the original characters!

**Repoter:** Er … who?

**Darrel:** _*growling*_ Nevermind.

**Reporter:** So tell me about your relationship with your "faithful" wife, Sakura.

**Darrel:** We have a beautiful daughter together. 

**Reporter:** That's sweet. What's her name?

**Darrel:** Kaoru Miadama.

**Reporter:** It's not Goodson?

**Darrel:** No.

**Reporter:** Do you have any other immediate family members?

**Darrel:** Yes, I have a little brother named Nijel Smith, and a mother, Lisa Smith.

**Reporter:** Not Goodson?

**Darrel:** No.

**Reporter:** What are you … adopted or something?

**Darrel:** No.

**Reporter:** You're confusing me again. 

**Darrel:** Yeah, I don't know either.

**Reporter:** So what makes you so special that you get a different last name from the rest of your family?

**Darrel:** I really don't know the answer to that either.

**Reporter:** Okay, I'm laying off this topic for the rest of an interview. I'm starting to get a headache from interviewing you. 

**Darrel:** Well you can learn a lot from people. Wasn't that the purpose of your assignment – to learn from all the original street fighter characters on FF.net?

**Reporter:** Are you patronizing me?!

**Darrel:** Oh god …

**Reporter:** Anyway, that's all the time we have for today! Thank you for joining us at The Original Word today from me, Mr. Reporter, and the rest of our production crew. Don't forget to tune in next chapter, where we will interview yet another original creation. Goodnight for now!

**Darrel:** Hey, don't I get any final words? I mean this show is supposed to be about me and …

The screen fades to black.


	4. Chapter 2: Craig Crankurt

_Screen fades into a set of a talkshow. The audience can be heard cheering wildly in the background. On stage is a pair of leather armchairs separated by a small round table in between the reporter is sitting in the seat on the right, while the other remains empty._

**Reporter:** Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of The Original Word: Street Fighter!

_Audience cheers even louder._

Today, I would like everyone to welcome yet another original character in the world of Street Fighter fan fiction. He started off on the streets as a penniless orphan but has since made quite the life for himself. Everybody please join me in welcoming Mr. Craig Crankurt!

_Audience cheers yet again. A sturdily built young man walks onstage with short, dark red hair, dressed in a white T-shirt and blue jeans. Hes all smiles and is waving excitedly to the audience._

**Reporter:** Thank you for joining us today, Mr. Crankurt.

**Cranky:** Please, just call me Cranky.

**Reporter:** Are you not happy to be on my show?

**Cranky:** No, Im happy to be here! Crankys just what I go by.

**Reporter:** And why do you choose such a bizzare alias?

**Cranky:** Well, it wasnt something I chose initially ...

**Reporter:** But you just requested that I call you by that name. You're quite the walking contradiction!

**Cranky:** If youd let me finish, sir ...

**Reporter:** Please do!

**Cranky:** It was a name my little brother made up for me. I hated it at first, but it sorta grew on me as time went on. So, here I am today.

**Reporter:** Your little brother ... flips through his notes

**Cranky:** Yeah, good ol Kenny.

**Reporter:** Hes got a different last name than yours. "Kenneth Feng" ... what nationality is that?

**Cranky:** Chinese.

**Reporter:** You're Chinese?

**Cranky:** No, Kenny is.

**Reporter:** But if hes your brother, then you must be Chinese too! Sure dont look it to me, though ...

**Cranky:** I'm Irish-American. Kenny's my brother by adoption.

**Reporter:** Ah, so why did your parents choose to adopt a kid who is clearly not a by-product of theirs?

**Cranky:** They didn't adopt him. I did.

**Reporter:** Oh ... so ... So what did your parents have to say about that?

**Cranky:** cocks an eyebrow at the reporter I thought you knew I was an orphan.

**Reporter:** _tosses his notes over his shoulder_ Meh, like I read through these things thoroughly anyway. So then, CRANKY, tell me a little bit about yourself.

**Cranky:** Well, I spent my childhood on the streets of Osaka. The other street kids and I spent alot of time together, going through garbage cans for food, using trashcans to make bonfires, getting drunk, you know, that kind of thing. It's not exactly the kind of childhood I'm proud of, but I gotta admit that we had some fun times.

**Reporter:** So you were completely independant from when you were young then?

Cranky: I wouldn't say _completely_ independant. When I was about ten, there was this Chinese family who lived in Japan kinda helped me out a little. The mother gave me food and bought me some new clothes and stuff.

**Reporter:** And do you still keep in touch with this family?

**Cranky:** Well ... not really. They died when I was sixteen.

**Reporter:** Hahaha, that must've been some shitty karma! Take in a poor little orphan and get killed for it.

**Cranky:** It wasn't my fault that they died!

**Reporter:** I never said it was.

**Cranky:** But you just implied ...

**Reporter:** Holy jumping to conclusions!

**Cranky:** I am not!

**Reporter:** Whoa, touchy guy. Ok then, so what did you do after this family died, from a cause that was completely unrelated to your presence?

**Cranky:** _narrows his eyes angrily at the reporter_ Their six year old kid survived so I took him under my wing. I felt like I owed it to them for all they did for me.

**Reporter:** Ah, so that's the Kenny you were talking about.

**Cranky:** That's right. But Kenny was killed shortly after, during the Alpha tournaments and I was left on my own again.

**Reporter:** Whoa, looks like you bring death to whoever you hang around, huh? scoots his chair a few inches back

**Cranky:** Well that wasn't my fault! Well ... I mean it was, in a sense that I shouldn't have let Kenny run off with the street fighters like that, but ...

**Reporter:** You might do well to stay away from people, yeah? Although that might be a little difficult considering the love of your life is Cammy White, one of the most popular female street fighters. Wanna explain that one?

**Cranky:** Cammy and I shared a three year relationship. She understood me as a person, and I understood her.

**Reporter:** So she was your fuck toy.

**Cranky:** There was more to our relationship than sex.

**Reporter:** If it was as good as you make it sound, why did the relationship end?

**Cranky:** We just fought too much. We figured that we weren't meant for each other after everything we went through together.

**Reporter:** You were that bad in bed, huh?

**Cranky:** I thought I told you that the relationship wasn't limited to ...

**Reporter:** So what happened next?

**Cranky:** Well, I meant this girl through Kenny, and her name was Katarina and she is actually his sister ...

**Reporter:** I thought you said Kenny died.

**Cranky:** Oh, sorry. I THOUGHT he died, but he merely got a memory loss and was adopted by another family for awhile. Cammy found him and reunited him with me.

**Reporter:** Touching. But lemme get this straight now ... the little brother who you adopted has a biological sister who are you now banging?

**Cranky:** _smiles shyly_ That would be somewhat the case, yes.

**Reporter:** Okay, this fucked up family/relationship triangle is making my head hurt. New topic! My sources tell me that your author created you for a minor supporting role and nothing more. How does that make you feel?

**Cranky:** Well ... it sucks to know. But since then, my author has taken the creative liberty to develop me more as an independant entity, rather than a supporting character. He aged me a little and brought me back for one of his later stories, this time as a main character.

**Reporter:** And he deleted that story ...

**Cranky:** Yes, but thanks to Vammy, whatever characterization my author developed for me was preserved. She further elaborated on the original framework that my author designed for me.

**Reporter:** She seems to take credit for turning you into a sex god.

**Cranky:** _smiles shyly_ I owe that attribute to her.

**Reporter:** And what does your original author think about this?

**Cranky:** He's disturbed by the thought.

**Reporter:** So tell me about your hobbies.

**Cranky:** In my spare time, I like to work out. Nothing too intensive, just keeping in shape, lifting weights a little, jogging. I also enjoy cooking to an extent.

**Reporter:** How would you describe your alcohol intake? I mean, you ARE Irish.

**Cranky:** Weekly, definitely not daily. It used to be daily, but that's changed since I met Cammy.

**Reporter:** What about tobacco?

**Cranky:** Hate it.

**Reporter:** My sources tell me your little brother is quite the chain smoker.

**Cranky:** I don't approve, but he only does it once in awhile. As long as he keeps his intake low, then I'm okay.

**Reporter:** _thinks real hard_ No ... I'm pretty sure he used the term "chain smoker" when I interviewed him for notes about you. And he said something about a pack and a half a day ...

**Cranky:** He ... WHAT!

_Someone can be heard cursing **"shit, shit, shit!"** in the audience. Someone is heard bursting for the exit at a dead run._

**Reporter:** Well technically he's eighteen and of the legal age. So there's nothing you can do to stop him.

**Cranky:** Except force feed him those cancer sticks and shove em down his throat! Then we'll see how much he enjoys cigarettes!

_Cranky gets up from his seat and prepares to chase after Kenny, who has just fled the studio._

Reporter: Well it seems our guest has just left us a little earlier than scheduled. Well, don't forget to tune in next time for The Original Word: Street Fighter, where we will interview yet another original character by another author. Until next time, folks!

_Screen fades._


End file.
